???

I feel ... out of it. It's like I'm daydreaming a lot... but I'm not. Just really spaced out. We're supposed to be moving out soon. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. I'm not sure I can leave my brother... && I'm not sure I can live with her boyfriend. I'm missing someone... That I'm not sure I should be missing? I had a chance with him and I passed it up. I'm confused as to who my real friends are.. I'm confused about a lot. I feel like I'm gonna explode! I wanna scream, run, cry, break down. I don't even know why exactly I'm feeling like this. but it sucks. I have so many feelings running through me... I dont even know what to do with them. Whats wrong with me?

August 13

I'm going to a public school... and although my mom wont just come out and say "I dont want you to go there" she's making it worse by saying things to make me feel.... bad about going. She's making it seem like I'm going to royally (sp?) screw up. But it only makes me want to go more... So that I can prove her and everyone else wrong. Everyone who thinks I'm gonna screw this up. Sometimes I think it'd be better if I lived by myself... But if that did happen I'd probably be thinking the opposite. Whatever. This sucks.

August 10th

First time blogger here. Well school is about to start and I had a sudden change of heart. I want to change schools. My mom is cool about it && I'll be going to a public school now. (I was going to a charter school before) She says she supports me, and I know she does. But she's really good at making me feel bad about decisions I make. She says all the wrong things at all the wrong times. I have make up my mind though. I want to go to a public school. She just recently divorced my dad. Everything pretty much went downhill from there. She has this new boyfriend that is pretty annoying... We're living with my grandma. (she says we're moving out soon) Her whole personality changed. She used to be so happy. I can't really blame her though... they were together for 27 years. I'd just like her to be a bit more considerate of my feelings. Maybe she is. It just doesn't seem like it. :/